BANKS are to introduce a policy of keeping all of their customers’ money for themselves, they have announced.
After threatening to charge interest on deposit accounts, banks now believe it would be prudent to permanently keep all the money they have been safely looking after.
A NatWest spokesman said: “In the current economic climate it’s impossible to give customers their money back without there being less of it for us to spend on bonuses and trendy chairs.
“Therefore we’ve decided to keep all the money. We can do that automatically so there’s no fuss or hassle, and we’ll even send you a leaflet explaining it with pictures of blandly attractive people.
“I’d like to thank our customers for their loyalty over the years, although frankly you’ve got to have a bank account with one of us unless you want your employer to think you’re mental and get robbed all the time.”
RBS customer Nikki Hollis said: “Today I got a letter from my bank saying I couldn’t withdraw any money because they’d changed the name on the account to Royal Bank of Scotland.
“I’m sure it can’t be legal, but then mis-selling PPI was pretty dodgy and they just had to pay a fine for that so I’m sure they’ve got it covered.”