THE Coca-Cola Company has ordered the world to stop consuming Cokes that bear other peoples names.
The manufacturer has pulled its product from shelves after research discovered that consumers were drinking any bottle as if they were not clearly labelled.
A Coca-Cola spokesman said: “Do you think we put a different name on each individual bottle for a laugh?
I fail to see how we could have made it clearer.
Now Sarahs drinking Dan’s Coke, Dans drinking Brittany’s Coke, shes drinking Jejomars and we only made two of those and the entire system breaks down. What a fucking waste of time.”
Coca-Cola has withdrawn all bottles from sale and purchases can now only be made in writing with your original birth certificate notarised by a solicitor.
Eleanor Shaw of Lampeter said: I really couldnt imagine living without Coke, but on closer reflection it’s a disgustingly sickly brown syrup so who cares.”