FOLLOWING Luis Suarez’s brace of goals against Manchester City, employers are to incentivise workers by arranging similar abuse.
At offices and factories up and down the country, workers will be booed, hissed and barracked by colleagues so that they do a better job.
Tom Logan, who works for the Land Registry department in the Civil Service said: “After a 70 minute commute, nothing inspires me more than being told I’m a ‘wanker’ and ‘buck toothed scum’.
“It makes me think to myself, right, I’ll show you. I’ll register twice as much land today.”
Donna Sheridan, an employee at a call centre dealing with internet service provider complaints said: “Experiencing abuse on the phone all day and being told I’m a useless slag who works for a barrel of piss company was energising enough.
“However, having my own superiors boo me, spit and throw coins at me gives me the adrenalin burst I need to exceed productivity targets.
“I think to myself, if Suarez can do it without even biting anybody, so can I.”