Four Out Of 10 Staff May Do Some Work This Year

FOUR out of 10 office staff are thinking about doing a bit of work at some point this year, a new study reveals. 

A 4ft high model of the Sydney Opera House will require around 1500 lollipop sticks

Most cited the tedium of listening to co-workers talk about their weekend breaks, their relationships and their dangerously unhinged children as reasons for giving in and replying to a business-related email.

Others blamed the strain of always pretending to work, coupled with a vague feeling of hurt because no-one had noticed they had done absolutely nothing for at least a year.

Wayne Hayes, a motivated, team player at HSBC, said: "On my first day here my boss told me to just keep my head down and not make any work for her. She's not spoken to me since.

"I still have no idea what anyone in this office does and what, if anything, our department is for. But I have learned how to talk convincingly on the phone to no-one.

"Meanwhile, I've knocked my sudoku time down to 90 minutes and I'm building a model of the Sydney Opera House out of lollipop sticks."

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, warned that any major increase in working at work could have a catastrophic effect on employment.

He said: "What if everyone suddenly decided to stop arseing about and start earning their salary? P45s all round, that's what."