Tuesday, 4th August 2020

'Hope you enjoyed your free lunch, scroungers,' says Rishi Sunak

THE chancellor has wished freeloaders all the best as he cuts off their handout for lounging around at home not getting COVID-19. 

Rishi Sunak informed workers that the job retention scheme has been real, but the party is over and it is past time layabouts got off their fat arses and back to work. 

He continued: “Want to be a bunch of state aid addicts, or do you want to regain some self-f**king respect? 

“I’ve run the numbers and wage subsidies are costing us billions, so you filthy moochers get dressed, get your feet back under your desks and support the economy.

“You may think of yourselves as prosperous middle-managers and business owners forced home by a pandemic, but to me you’re nothing but dole scum. 

“We’re tapering your payments, stopping answering calls and sanctioning you for either not attending back-to-work assessments or for breaking lockdown to attend them. The cash tap is firmly off. 

“Yeah. I’m a Tory. Deal with it.”