House prices fall leaving everyone who owns a house looking a right dick

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We ask you: will you heartlessly punish blameless Tory councillors in tomorrow’s elections?

LOCAL Conservative councillors have done nothing wrong, so will you vengefully punish them for the sins of the national party in local elections tomorrow? 

Eleanor Shaw, charity head: “Sometimes you’ve got to hurt the innocent as a lesson to the guilty, and if the Tories don’t agree they should stop backing Israel.”

Martin Bishop, landscaper: “The head of our local Tory council is a lovely, principled man. Abhors immigrants, pro-death penalty for drug offences, hates the poor. But he can’t have my vote because the government’s let him down.”

Margaret Gerving, retired headteacher: “If you couldn’t use votes to punish people you hate for wildly misguided reasons democracy would never have taken off.”

Susan Traherne, cello teacher: “It’s senseless and vicious. I only hope those poor councillors have been able to buy 400 acres of local authority land for £1 as deserved compensation.”

Lucy Parry, eyebrow threader: “Where else am I to slake my anger democratically, now Euro MPs have gone?”