HSBC is to move its HQ from London and is considering an offer from the pirate king of Somalia.
The bank said Britain now had ‘far too many laws that stop it from doing whatever it feels like’, whereas the ‘light touch regulation’ of coastal Somalia had the ‘makings of a merchant banker’s paradise’.
A spokesman said: “The pirate king will protect us not only from the prying eyes of regulators, but also other pirates.
“In return we’ll give him a monthly tribute of $1m, private banking facilities and tickets to Wimbledon and the British Grand Prix.
“We’ll all still live in London obviously, but we’ll be subjects of the Somali pirate king and will therefore qualify for non-dom status. Bingo.”
Pirate king Ahmed Al-Wadi said: “We have no equivalent of the Financial Conduct Authority or the Inland Revenue. Or the police.
“It’s just me, really. And I spend most of my day just doing crazy pirate stuff.
“Barclays have been based here for years. They love it.”