Lloyds fires local branch staff who actually caused the financial crisis

LLOYDS Bank has disposed of 3,000 local bank workers who started the financial crisis from their roles behind counters. 

The bank claims that its provincial staff are the very ones who destabilised the world economy in 2008, and it took eight years to find them hiding in frontline roles in places like Truro. 

A Lloyds Bank spokesman said: “These miscreants somehow, while ostensibly serving pensioners who won’t do this computer nonsense, managed to send the nation into crisis while leaving fake evidence trails back to some of our most highly-paid staff. 

“Thankfully, they’ve been cleared of any crime and the time has come to purge the bank of rotten apples from the bottom up.”

Fired branch manager Joanna Kramer of Bredbury said: “Nobody talks me in the street now.

“I’ve gone from banker to benefits claimant, and they’re the two people whose fault everything is.”