Friday, 4th December 2020

Mike Ashley offers to open Sports Direct but stop paying wages

MIKE Ashley has offered to open his Sports Direct stores to help public health but, as a compromise, will stop paying his staff. 

Ashley has insisted that the only way Britain can remain healthy is by regularly visiting his stores to buy Lonsdale hoodies, but conceded that due to economic uncertainty employee wages should be reduced by 100 per cent.

He continued: “We are performing a vital public service. And that can’t come without a certain measure of sacrifice.

“I understand why Gove has said we shouldn’t open. He’s a sensible man and fears the cost to the economy, which is more important than people.

“But like the NHS staff putting their health on the line, like the police working through the chaos, the staff in my shops are willing to do whatever it takes to sell you that cross-trainer. It’s not about money for them.

“If we can weather this storm until April the government can take over paying them. Until then be strong and until we open I exhort everyone to go online and buy themselves a Slazenger tennis racket.”

Ashley added: “Also, I would like Britain to start referring to me as the Sports Director. Everyone cool with that? Good.”