RYANAIR chief executive Michael O’Leary has asked the little people of Ireland to forgive him for stealing their precious gold.
Speaking to an old willow tree near Galway, O’Leary vowed to make amends by leaving a gold coin under every toadstool between Limerick and Killarney, as outlined in Ryanair’s recent financial report.
He told a passing dairy cow: “It was wrong of me to fund a travel empire using the riches of the little people. When you see them, give them this bag of carrots and say I’m sorry.”
O’Leary has built a reputation for refusing to apologise, most notably when he ran up and down the aisle of a flight to Dusseldorf, wearing a turban and shouting ‘I’m a bomber, so I am! Kaboooom!’.
But recent weeks have seen him apologising on an almost hourly basis, often for things that have not happened and to people that do not exist.
Yesteday he told eponymous TV bear ‘Gentle Ben’ that he was sorry for using the last of his piccallili and then had 300 tons of the condiment sprayed across the Appalachian mountains from a specially chartered 747.
But his apology to the leprechauns marks a watershed as O’Leary has been among their fiercest critics, often describing them as ‘two foot of fuck-all with a face like a bag of broken knuckles’.
A Ryanair spokesman said: “Ladies and gentlemnen, once again we’ve had to switch on the ‘fasten seat belts’ sign as another turbulent weather system passes through Mr O’Leary’s head.”