EMPLOYEES of large companies who wear their company logo in their leisure time are usually prize bellends, it has emerged.
The Institute for Studies found that wearing t-shirts and baseball caps showing you work for a faceless corporation strongly correlated with being a knob.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “It’s clearly intended to show you’re making good money, but companies like Vodafone are massive. You could be the person who cleans the bogs.
“Our research showed anyone wearing, say, a PricewaterhouseCoopers polo shirt had a high risk of wanking on about money, tedious business trips to Stuttgart and saying ‘yah’.
“However it does have certain benefits. If you’re wearing a Barclays Capital baseball cap you can easily be identified by other twats so you can talk about business instead of enjoying a lovely day in the park.
“If someone approaches you not only wearing a corporate fleece but also carrying a company umbrella, my advice is to run like fuck before they tell you about their ‘pretty sweet package’.”
Investment banker Martin Bishop said: “My corporate clothing makes me feel part of an elite tribe of high earners, although I typically work a 20-hour day and can’t remember my children’s names.
“I think one’s called Rufus. No, that’s the dog.”