Piggy credit card teaches children not to save

A NEW children’s credit card has been launched to promote instant gratification.

The pig-branded credit card will replace the piggy bank as high street banks’ default free gift to 5-11 year old account holders.

Financial product designer Julian Cook said: “Youngsters need to learn about mindless consumerism from a young age, otherwise the so-called economy would grind to a halt.

“The piggy credit card teaches them that whatever they want, they can just have it straight away and hang the consequences because there’s always a pocket-money day loan if they’re really in the shit.”

Six-year-old Emma Bradford said: “I borrowed £7,500 to buy Furbies in all the difference colours, and quite a lot of sweets.

“It was good but then six months later some big men kicked my bedroom door until it fell in, then they took everything including all my posters.

“The men said I was on a black list of credit and that I had been naughty.

“At first I was sad but then I found out I could borrow more money for toys if I said my name was ‘Harry Potter’ and my address was ‘a castle’.”



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Bye everyone, say Premier League players

ENGLAND’S top footballists have already moved abroad after a wage cap was discussed yesterday.

Premier League chairmen say they cannot sustain the current model of paying one person twice the GDP of a South American country for what is effectively manual labour.

Clubs are exploring non-financial inducements to keep stars, such as building glamour model finishing schools next to training facilities and allowing players to advertise their aftershave range before taking free kicks.

But Tom Logan, third choice goalkeeper for Stoke City, said: “My agent says there’s plenty of clubs in the Arab Emirates interested in my nominal hand-eye coordination, so the guy from Foxton’s is round on Monday to value my ludicrously huge house.

“If you think this shows a lack of ambition I’ll just reiterate – third choice. Goalkeeper. Stoke.”

Chelsea and Manchester City say they would otherwise struggle to become financially viable unless they could start charging £400,000 for a meat pie.

A Chelsea spokesman said: “I met with our striker and told him that he’d never earn more than £150,000 a week with us.

“He looked like I’d told him Santa didn’t exist, which is another conversation I’m dreading.”