GORDON Ramsay did not swear once during a meeting with his bank manager to discuss the £10 million debt run up by his restaurant business, it emerged last night.
Ramsay was summoned to the Lombard Street branch of Royal Bank of Scotland for crisis talks where manager Tom Logan made the celebrity chef sit outside his office for an hour and 45 minutes.
He was then called in, but told to sit in silence for a further five minutes while the bank manager phoned Jamie Oliver to book a table at Fifteen while grinning smugly at Ramsay for the duration of the call.
Mr Logan then produced his own signature dish of undercooked Beef en Croute served on a dirty plate with tepid Bisto before instructing Ramsay to describe it as the finest piece of cooking he had ever tasted in his life.
As Ramsay sat in silence clenching his fists, the bank manager asked why the chef had always claimed to have played professional football for Glasgow Rangers when his only contact with the club was making half-time sandwiches for a midweek testimonial at Queen of the South.
He also asked the chef which type of amphetamine he should use for enhancing freaky afternoon sex sessions with his mistress before producing a five star review of Ramsay's flagship London restaurant which had clearly been used as toilet paper.
Mr Logan then brought the meeting to a close by asking Ramsay what the fuck kind of fucking amateur spends ten fucking million of the bank's fucking money on opening up a pair of fucking vanity restaurants in fucking Paris and fucking New York before telling him to get the fuck out of his office.