Supermarkets working together to hide the eggs

THE ‘big four’ supermarkets have met to discuss new and ingenious ways to hide eggs from customers.

Tesco, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s and Asda held their biannual Egg Hiding Summit yesterday amid growing concern that customers are not only managing to locate eggs within less than two hours, but are actually buying them.

Tesco CEO Joseph Turner said: “Normally we’re in fierce competition, but some things are too important to fight about.

“No matter how big or varied our businesses are, we all got into the grocery trade for the same reason; to do everything in our power to stop the public getting their hands on eggs.

“One day they’re in a shadowy alcove by the meat counter, the next they’ve been slipped next to the bread so deftly you can pass by them six times and never notice they’re there.

“New strategies include having them behind the cigarette counter, placing each different egg brand on a different shelf on a different aisle or simply putting them on the roof.

“Together, we will eradicate eggs from the face of British retail.”

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What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, says BA

IF YOU remember a plane catching fire in Las Vegas then you were not there, British Airways has insisted.

Amid claims a London-bound Boeing 777 suffered an engine fire on the runway, a BA spokesman deflected questions by invoking the Vegas Protocol.

He said: “Fire? If you say so. But I’m not discussing that with anybody who wasn’t in that cockpit. It’s a solemn cabin crew code, as old as time itself.”

“Maybe we were playing around with some confiscated lighters and some mezcal, maybe we weren’t. Maybe a massive fireball engulfed the plane, maybe it didn’t.

“If anything did actually happen, then whatever it was, let’s put it behind us.”

Passenger Tom Booker said: “As we were boarding, I overheard a group of people in BA uniforms asking some strippers if they wanted to see something cool.”