Talentless arse from school now hugely successful thanks to property

A COMPLETE twat from school is extremely wealthy thanks to the property market despite never having been good at anything.

Schoolfriends of Wayne Hayes, who now has a portfolio worth seven figures, are finding his current status hard to reconcile with the fact that he was even thick at RE.

Former classmate Tom Logan said: “I was visiting my parents when I recognised the vacant, gormless expression of a guy getting out of a BMW 7 series. I was like, ‘Wayne?’

“Turned out he got into property at just the right time, doubled his stake within two years, and is a millionaire ‘on paper’. He used to eat paper.

“He takes diving holidays in Australia and is having flying lessons, and all I could think was ‘But your English GCSE coursework was you describing an episode of Pingu’.’

“Then I had to leave because he was starting to tell me about his girlfriend. I didn’t think it would be healthy for me to know.”