RAIL operators are horrified to learn the unreasonable, demanding f**kers who call themselves ‘passengers’ expect to use their services at weekends.
Reasons given for Saturday and Sunday journeys were largely frivolous, including such fripperies as ‘going shopping’ or ‘to see friends’ rather than reasons which matter like ‘I must go to my job or I will be fired’.
Rail executive Martin Bishop said: “And what about if we want a break? We can’t have one because of your leisure travel? Hardly fair.
“After a tough five days not being that late, on average, we like to sit back and let the buses do the heavy lifting. It’s not like people are in a hurry when they’re off work, is it? The nine hour bus journey from Durham to Bath is an opportunity for mindfulness.
“We put on a couple of Saturday services for trainspotters and otherwise we baselessly claim engineering work. But apparently there’s a demand, and those people on the platforms aren’t taking down numbers but are a family from Kettering with tickets for Mamma Mia.
“I suppose we could add a couple, but don’t people enjoy the shite Sunday service for the sake of tradition? Like shops closing early or Songs of Praise? What are you having a long-distance relationship for, anyway? Rethink it.
“No, on the whole I think we’re more comfortable transporting you to places of misery because you have no option but to be there. We don’t want our commuters getting ideas.”
