Desperate TSB customers using a barter system to pay for food

TSB CUSTOMERS are now using a barter system to pay for rent and food, they have confirmed. 

Unable to access their money in weeks and no longer understanding the concept, TSB account holders are trading personal possessions, sex and items they have found for necessities. 

Tom Logan of Durham said: “You do well at the corner shops. They get it. I’ve got a year’s supply of fresh bread for a PS4 Pro, which is a solid deal. 

“But Sainsbury’s don’t want to know when you truck in a load of scrap metal to exchange for the big shop, and my promise of fealty in war in return for gas and electric has been rudely ignored by Eon. 

“But TSB is gone, my savings vanished like a dream, and if I try to log on I just get a screen saying ‘The hunter-gatherer bank’. 

“Oh yeah, and that thing about restaurants making you do the dishes if you can’t pay for your meal? That doesn’t happen. They just shout at you.”