We will raise interest rates, says Bank of England’s chief necromancer

THE black coven of warlocks at the heart of the Bank of England will raise interest rates by the new year, they have sworn.

Chief necromancer Mark Carney has told businesses that the spectre of spiralling interest will once again be stalking the land, ruining lives and stealing homes, when their rituals are complete.

He continued: “In the 1990s, under the Grey King John Major, they called it the Great Destroyer.

“Not a family in the country escaped the blight of its touch. It was capriciously generous, lavishing rewards on savers to tempt them into credit before stripping them of all assets in an instant.

“The people thought it slain. But by my magick and the Necroeconomicon it will rise again, surpass its previous height of 15 per cent, and devour us all.”

A Treasury spokesman said: “Oh, they’re always in black robes swinging a flagon of goat’s blood down at bloody Threadneedle Street.

“They light candles, chant The Wealth of Nations backwards, and generally try to convince themselves they actually have some control over the economy.”