Woman with incredibly impressive job title actually earns £11k

A WOMAN who works as a ‘brand optimising consultant’ actually leads a nightmarish hand-to-mouth existence, friends have noticed.

Emma Bradford’s impressively-titled business appears, according to witnesses, to involve working incredibly long hours for horribly demanding bastards then chasing them to pay her.

Friend Tom Booker said: “Her website is like wow. But last month I had to lend her £100 so she could buy food.

“Honestly, hear her talk about what she does and you’d think she was being jetted around the world by blue-chip companies delivering wisdom to 54th-floor boardrooms, not ringing around crap local firms begging for work.

“She’s so in love with ‘going it alone’ and ‘leveraging her skillset’ that she hasn’t noticed she’d earn more watching repeats of Taggart all day on the dole.”

Bradford said: “Essentially, I help customer-facing brands achieve their engagement potential by crafting their journey into compelling narratives that fully engage consumers.

“Fluctuating revenue streams are a natural part of the business cycle. And now I’ve closed the deal with Gary’s Pizza ’N’ Chicken Hut I can afford to buy a second pair of trousers.”