MILLIE Bobby Brown is married and has adopted a baby at the age of 21, in a move that has seen none of her legion of fans rush to do the same. The stars are on their own with these:
Getting married six times
Second marriages are okay. Third marriages are greeted with ‘you’d better really bloody mean it this time’. Fourth, fifth, sixth marriages? Not seen in real life. Perhaps J-Lo’s been in so many romcoms that her belief in true love is unwavering, like an eternal flame, or perhaps she’s a f**king nightmare who is nonetheless too hot to turn down.
Adopting a child at 21
While biologically optimal, birthing a child at 21 is largely considered unwise these days. Adopting one? At an age where every sensible person is getting as blitzed as possible every weekend? One cannot eliminate the sneaking suspicion the child in question may be found wanting and returned.
Living in hotels
Things tough at home? Why not retreat to the anonymity of a hotel suite for a year or more? After all, as any business traveller knows, a week in a Travelodge has you so lonely you make the biscuits talk to the milk, but apparently celebrities find living impermanently at massive cost comforting and a rest cure for the spirit.
Scientology
The one practice lunatic celebrities really wish their fans would copy is the one that stubbornly refuses to take off. What’s wrong with them? Why can’t they see happy, fulfilled, well-balanced individuals like Will Smith, Tom Cruise, Juliette Lewis and Doug E Fresh and behold the righteousness of the path of Hubbard? Don’t they want to be happy?
Keeping a pet lion
Surely what’s good enough for Tippi Hedren and daughter Melanie Griffiths, ie. giving a 400-pound lion called Neil the run of the house, isn’t too good for your three-bed new build? Or Mike Tyson’s white tiger that took someone’s arm off? Or George Clooney’s pot-bellied pig that, let’s face it, he only kept to stop girls moving in? Get one today.
Drinking each other’s blood
Whether you’re Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton or Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, you can be sexy without opening veins. Fans of both – to specify, men who would love to bang Angelina or Megan, nobody’s a Billy Bob Thornton fan – have resisted sexing up their suburban marriages with blood. It never comes out of the sheets.
