ALL members of the Royal Family will now disclose full details of their genital conditions whether the public wish to know or not.
With King Charles being treated for an enlarged prostate, Buckingham Palace has announced that regular updates will be given on ailments ranging from minor vaginal infections to hideous genital warts.
A Palace spokesperson said: “The Royal genitals are a source of national pride and of great interest to the public. As such the masses deserve to be kept informed about their status.
“For example, we can now confirm suspicions as to whether Her Majesty the Princess of Wales uses Femfresh. The answer is no – Kate has an immaculate, self-cleaning vagina.
“However, the Princess was witnessed chugging cartons of cranberry juice during an opening ceremony for a leisure centre in Milton Keynes last week. We can now reveal that was due to a particularly nasty UTI.
“In the light of the King’s enlarged prostate, we can confirm that Prince William suffers a similar affliction, the only treatment for which, sadly, is regular pegging. The King has decided to opt for more conventional treatment.”
Today Queen Camilla issued an official statement about her vagina, reading: “I am 76 years old, I’ve had two children and I’ve had to compete sexually with the People’s Princess.
“My fanny is absolutely f**ked. It’s like an oyster that’s been stepped on by a shire horse. I just thought you’d like to know.”