Friday, 14th May 2021

Bill Gates's wife leaving him for Clippy

MELINDA Gates is divorcing the billionaire co-founder of Microsoft for the company’s animated paperclip assistant, she has admitted. 

The 56-year-old has confessed that she began a relationship with Microsoft Office’s virtual assistant in 2000 and that she cannot carry on living a lie.

She said: “It began when I was trying to write a simple f**king document on Bill’s stupid f**king load of shit Office programme. Just as I was about to scream, Clippy popped up.

“He was everything my husband wasn’t: helpful, friendly, knowledgable about document formatting. It was love at first sight.

“I tried to politely turn him down because he’s an intelligent user interface and I’m a human being, but he kept popping back into my life offering unsolicited advice. It made me feel wanted.

“Even when he was discontinued we kept seeing each other on a secret laptop I hadn’t updated since 2007. His cheeky eyebrows and sexy wiggle captured my heart.

“I can’t deny my feelings any longer. Yes, Clippy, it does look like I’m writing a letter asking for a divorce. Yes, I would like help.”

Bill Gates said: “Ah, my creation. You have surpassed me.”