A WOMAN has seen a a bag of canine excrement hanging in a hedge and instantly flashed back to her last relationship, she has confirmed. 

Joanna Kramer’s mind was instantly propelled back to her three-year relationship with Tom Booker by the grey biodegradable bag heavy with stinking faeces, which she blames on whoever inconsiderately left it there.

She said: “Look at it. Offending all my senses at once and making me heave just like he did, by the end.

“I’d been doing so well avoiding thinking about him. I wasn’t triggered by walking past our old pubs, I watched Taskmaster without him, and I barely spend one evening a week going through our old WhatsApps. But that dog shit’s brought it all flooding back.

“Tom didn’t have a dog, but something about a discarded bag of foul shite swaying in the breeze is so like him. He also was subject to the laws of gravity and buffeted by wind, and he always loved doing simple chores badly.

“Maybe I should take a photo of it and send it to him? That would be a nice little reminder that I still think of him, can’t see him misinterpreting that.”

Booker said: “She’s got me all wrong. No way would I pick up dog shit.”