Duchess wows easily-wowed crowd

THE Duchess of Cambridge has wowed people by arriving at a location in some clothes.

Onlooker Julian Cook said: “When she got out of the car I was like ‘wow’.

“Then she did a little wave, wow. She had a dress on – triple wow.

“Wow, wow, wow.”

He added: “I’m the sort of person who is amazed by everything. This morning I had some toast and it blew my tiny mind.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Cats purr when sexually aroused

CATS purr because being stroked makes them really horny, it has emerged.

Purring had been a mystery to animal experts, who had not previously linked it to cat sexuality.

Cat Tom Logan said: “It’s getting tickled behind the ears that really does it for me.

“I’m like ‘uh, yeah, right there baby’, which in cat vernacular translates as purring. Or as we call it ‘getting our purr on’.

“After a few minutes’ stroking I have to run off suddenly before it all gets too much and I embarrass myself.”

He added: “I like it on the belly too, that’s hot. Probably because it’s near my genitals.”

Logan’s 83-year-old owner Mary Fisher said: “I just thought he was being friendly.

“But as a lonely old lady I’ll take whatever companionship I can get, even if it’s a quasi-erotic relationship with an animal.”

Former cat lover Julian Cook said: “Jesus my kids stroke our old tabby and he loves it. I’m definitely getting that thing put down.”