Five drunk middle-aged women caterwauling through song was apparently Spice Girls reunion

A BARMAN at a London club has just found out the five pissed women he watched howl their way through a song was in fact a momentous 90s reunion. 

James Bates, aged 21, was covering a private members’ function on Saturday and witnessed the women clamber on stage and slur their way through a Spice Girls track, as happens at the majority of 50th birthday parties.

However, he discovered while browsing Instagram this morning that these particular women, even though they knew no more of the words and hit no more of the notes, were in fact the five who originally sang the song.

He said: “The actual Spice Girls? Was it? You’d never have known.

“One of them wasn’t even singing, the one in the leopardskin was so hammered she was at least two lines behind at any point and the blonde looked like she just wanted to be at home in bed, so it was exactly the same as it usually is.

“Now I think of it the redhead did spend all night bitching about what a bastard her husband is, leopardskin kept saying ‘No, but we should get back together properly’, and birthday girl’s tattooed husband grimaced at the very thought.

“Otherwise it was like any other 50th bash: loads of middle-aged moaning about kids, parents or medical problems, and I gave Eva Longoria one in the employee bathroom.”

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Films so much better than books it's not even a contest

FILMS have surpassed books as a medium by so many orders of magnitude it is odd that books even exist, it has been agreed. 

Books, which were popular when using your imagination was still powerful enough to sustain major religions, continue to be published even though the only rational reaction to them is ‘Good is it? I’ll watch it when it comes out.’

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “We shouldn’t give all the credit to films. There’s a lot of excellent prestige TV around as well.

“But books? Writing down a story, in words, for the reader to reconstruct in their own heads? Is that not a bit labour-intensive?

“In restrospect it’s obvious Harry Potter was their last hurrah, and that adults were only reading books about wizard school firmly aimed at children as a fond farewell to literature and an admission they couldn’t cope with anything more complex.

“Why would you take a book on a train when you could watch Fast & Furious X instead? Been on a train recently? Your fellow passengers have answered that question already: you wouldn’t.”

Eleanor Shaw said: “So the lower orders have abandoned them completely. Marvellous. I must found a book club.”