Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Here are some actual f**king jobs, UK tells Wills and Kate

BRITONS already weary of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s tour of the UK have suggested actual jobs they could do.

After the Royals turned up at a school with three reindeer for no good reason, the public have advised them to consult a recruitment agency for careers that serve some purpose.

Corporate accountant Donna Sheridan said: “They clearly have lots of free time or we wouldn’t constantly be subjected to this bullshit. Maybe they could enrol at their local college and get jobs in IT support?

“Visiting random locations on a train isn’t a job. The residents of Benefits Street led more structured lives. And they’d have more idea how to run a newsagent.”

Delivery driver Tom Logan said: “Prince William looks quite tall so he could easily be a copper. He’d be keeping the scum off the streets and the pension’s pretty good. And Kate’s fit enough for an all-night shopping channel so the world’s their oyster, really.

“If the Queen vetoes that, Kate could always become a PE teacher. She loves hockey and she’d get paid for it. ”

William and Kate were unavailable for comment on their future career options due to a pressing engagement delivering Christmas crackers to a Lanarkshire vole sanctuary.