STONEHENGE is sick of being linked with hippies and wants to rebrand itself as a destination for cool people.
As the Solstice approaches, Stonehenge is bracing itself to be overrun once again by pretend Gandalfs.
The Neolithic monument said: “I’m sick of dreadlocked ‘pagans’ claiming I’m a druid temple or a massive space calendar.
“How do they know? I could have been a really cool Neolithic bar or a super trendy shop, like the Stone Age equivalent of Urban Outfitters.
“If people insist on touching me up on a twice yearly basis, I’d rather they were dynamic, fashionable types. Or at least very sexy.
“If I see any more bearded freak shows I’m going to kill them all with ancient magic and then self-destruct.
“Worship that, hippies.”