Sunday, 16th May 2021

'I'll do whatever the f**k I want', says 97-year-old who can do whatever the f**k he wants

A 97-YEAR-OLD who can do whatever he fucking feels like has confirmed his intention to do exactly that.

After causing a car crash, Philip Mountbatten, from Norfolk, Berkshire, Aberdeenshire, and Belgravia, asked what anyone was going to do to stop him.

Mountbatten, who also believes that seat belts are ‘effeminate’, said: “What are you going to do, throw me in jail? I'm 97, that's just horrible. Or perhaps you're going to fine me 500 quid? Is that a lot of money? I have absolutely no idea.”

The retired naval officer added: “If I fucking well feel like it, I’ll steal your car, crash it into your living room and then walk away shortly after insulting you, based on what I believe to be your ethnicity.

“And for the avoidance of doubt, I’d do this even if my wife’s coat of arms wasn’t nailed to the wall of every court house in the country.

“Now get out of my way, you Irish-looking homosexual.”