NAMING your child after a once-popular TV show or celebrity was always stupid, and now the poor victim is old enough to hate you for it. These were a mistake:
Joffrey, from Game of Thrones
Children really have been called this, presumably sounding slightly posh overshadowed Joffrey being a psychopath who sadistically murdered a prostitute with a crossbow. Tyrion would have been better, at least he’s only a Machiavellian smartarse.
Taylor, from Taylor Swift
Naming your child after the biggest female artist on the planet feels obvious and lazy, but at least she’s stuck around. It’s better than naming a kid after 2011 chart favourites Dappy, Pixie Lott or Military Wives with Gareth Malone.
Katniss, from The Hunger Games
She brings down a whole unjust society, so that’s unfair pressure on a youngster. Also Katniss, actually a type of plant, is a silly name only chosen to sound futuristic and sci-fi. The parents might as well have followed their true desires and named you Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Hermione, from Harry Potter
Dated, but still a fairly acceptable middle-class name like Annabelle or Charlotte. Except that you’re undeniably named after the Hogwarts Hermione. Being told ‘Do Wingardium Leviosa!’ every time your bag’s thrown on top of the science block will make a child resentful.
Leo, from Leonardo DiCaprio
Used to be okay because back in the 2010s he was a famous, talented, 30-something actor. Now he’s 51 and noted for shagging much younger women. Your son’s classmates may well opt for the nickname ‘Paedo’.
Neo, from The Matrix
Neo is iconic but the franchise is old and considered a bit shit now, so your son is bound to face some mockery. And when bullied, he can’t use his deadly blend of martial arts and bullet time to scythe down his opponents because he does not know kung fu, and will get his head kicked in.
Neytiri, from Avatar
Proves your parents are morons who thought a simplistic CGI blockbuster full of ‘natives are spiritual and close to nature’ bollocks would have staying power. Yes, people watch the sequels. No, nobody knows a single character’s name.
Zooey, from Zooey Deschanel
Your daughter will be justifiably annoyed at being placed under lifelong pressure to be a manic pixie dream girl. Even if she bows to it a string of failed relationships await, because guys quickly realise manic pixie pain-in-the-arse is more accurate.
Dexter, from Dexter
Being named after a fictional vigilante serial killer is bad on many levels, not least nominative determinism. However much a fan of anything you are, automatically naming your child after it is not good parenting. Otherwise children of Warhammer dads would be named Adeptus and Necron, which they’re not. Yet.
