THE Beckham feud reveals having Victoria as a mother isn’t all easy, even when she doesn’t sing. These pop star mothers would be infinitely preferable:
Kim Wilde
Kim has successfully transitioned from universally-fancied pouty 80s heartthrob to nice respectable gardening mum, so you wouldn’t feel intimidated bringing friends back. And Kids In America is a classic, meaning there’s even musical respect. There’s really no downside except being crushed in a stampede of aroused dads in the garden centre.
Dua Lipa
Remember how patient Dua was with that bellend playing her a shite song at Glastonbury? Those are parenting skills. She reads a lot, giving her something to do while sitting waiting for your interminable ballet classes to end, and seems kind. Obviously she needs time to age into the role, but that’s okay. You’re not doing anything.
Adele
The advantage of Adele as your mum, apart from unbelievable wealth, is how understanding she’d be about your teenage breakups. Heartbroken after Kayden was seen snogging Ava at the bus stop? Mum would know how you feel. Series of doomed relationships in your 20s? Leaving your husband because you’ve met someone hotter? Mum’s been there.
Kate Bush
The ideal parent for an arty child, nurturing your talents until you too were summarising gothic novels on a mandolin. Kate wouldn’t chastise you after a bad parents’ evening, agreeing the teachers just didn’t understand your creativity and encouraging you to work it out in a charcoal sketch. However phones, social media and TV would all be banned.
Emma Bunton
Baby Spice always seemed nice and sane. She wouldn’t hijack the first dance at your wedding. She wouldn’t intimidate your new girlfriend by being as famous as the girlfriend would like to be. She wouldn’t try to squeeze into the old Union Jack minidress after a night on the gin. She probably bakes.
Billie Piper
Always seems pleasant and grounded and a very cool mum if you’re a Doctor Who fan, assuming there are any left. One problem: if you’re 22 now in the Billie-is-your-mum timeline there’s a possibility Chris Evans would be your divorced dad. If you’re younger? Laurence Fox. Lovely as Billie is, she has made questionable choices.
