TROUBLED actress Lindsay Lohan is, despite years of drugs, rehab, and prison, is still looking as attractive as ever.
Appearing on the red carpet for a sequel to Freaky Friday, the 2003 film which came well before lengthy periods spent ripped to the tits on coke, booze and all the rest, experts have conceded that she could absolutely still get it.
Dr Martin Bishop said: “As a member of the medical profession I would dearly love to use Lindsay Lohan to illustrate the horrific physical effects of drugs on a once-beautiful woman. But have you seen her? F**king hell.
“Quite frankly she could come out with a book called My Heroin, Tequila, Drunk-Driving, Stealing a Necklace and Apparently Livestreaming Kidnapping a Homeless Woman’s Children, What The F**k? Beauty Secrets and it would sell. Women would want the look.
“Her past of wanton, confused excess only adds to her allure. Her harrowing stints behind bars give her an aura of 80s straight-to-DVD sleaze lesser hotties would kill for.
“It seems you can afford to waste a decade shooting up, indulging in convincing pseudo-lesbianism with Paris Hilton and fellating a horse dressed as John Candy at filthy Hollywood parties you can only dream of attending and get away with it.
“Maybe it’s good genes or something, but you spotted her in Asda it’d be like seeing a rare orchid growing out of a bunged-up Glasgow toilet bowl.”