THE government plans to limit jury trials to offences with a three-year minimum sentence. Have they snatched away your jury service dream? 

Steve Malley, loss adjuster: “Don’t be. Mine was just a bloke who’d hit another bloke. Five boring days and no possibility of the death sentence.”

Donna Sheridan, barista: “Even when it is a murder they don’t let you do your own investigations because ‘that’s the police’s job’. I listen to true crime podcasts, I know that so-called chief witness did it by her tarty dress.”

Norman Steele, heating engineer: “You’re sentenced to more than three years for treason, aren’t you? Good, so I can still serve on the jury for the upcoming trial of Rachel Reeves.”

Helen Archer, cardiologist: “But I see the government are still maintaining their ridiculous pretence that people are arrested and tried for crimes.”

Olly O’Connor, recidivist: “There’s loads of ways to avoid jury service anyway. A pre-booked holiday, a baby due, health reasons or the one I’ve gone for, a long list of previous convictions for violent offences.”