GOD’s representative on earth and the current manifestation of the Antichrist are now both Chicagoans, it has emerged.
New Pope Leo XIV and rapper-turned-Nazi Kanye West both hail from the US city, and residents are proud to say the final war between heaven and hell will be led on both sides by local men.
Mayor Brandon Johnson said: ‘Whether you’re the head of the Catholic church or a despicable monster shrouding himself in more evil each day, it’s Chicago, baby!
“The home of deep-dish pizza and ER is now also the home of the leader of Christ’s legions and the one who bears the mark of the beast. Get you a town that can do both.
“I’d like to think his Holiness will be doing a hometown gig soon and that Kanye, who will have plummeted yet further from his current position of releasing a song called Heil Hitler with an actual Hitler sample, will have accepted his true destiny.
“He’ll rise from beneath our great lake – we’re a lakeshore city – which will boil away to nothing as an army of demons comes from the nether realm just as the Pope summons his warrior angels for the apocalypse. Hotels booking now, it’ll be quite a show.”
Briton Nathan Muir said: “I’ve been there. They’ve got this kind of big mirrored bean.”
