THE heir to the throne has been bitten by a radioactive baby and now has the powers of a baby, it has emerged.
The Prince of Wales was visiting Singapore for vague environmental reasons when he received a bite from the irradiated baby and soon found himself developing astonishing new powers.
A Royal insider said: “For most of us, developing the incredible powers of a five-month-old baby would be a step down. For William, it’s a massive step up.
“He’s now able to stay up all night, to cry at nerve-shredding volume, to shit himself while smiling and most of all to be the centre of attention in every room he enters without doing anything of note, which means we don’t need Kate anymore.
“The weaknesses of a baby – baldness, inability to feed himself, unable to accept that he is not the only person in the universe – are all covered by his being Royal anyway, so it’s the best of both worlds.
“Will he be dressing up in a nappy and fighting crime? No. But he might make an inoffensive and ineffectual speech about how crime is bad.”