Prince William known as 'One Pint Willy' because his penis fills a pint pot

THE Prince of Wales is nicknamed ‘One Pint Willy’ because his genitalia are so large they exactly fill a pint glass, a family member has revealed.

Mike Tindall, who is the envy of the crowned heads of Europe because he is banging our only hot Royal, let the future King’s nickname slip entirely by accident on a podcast.

He continued: “People think it’s because he can’t take his drink, but that’s not it at all. He’s a proper boozer and doesn’t even break the seal until six pints in.

“And that’s about when he does his party trick by putting his empty glass under the table, unzipping and bringing it out absolutely packed to the brim with his cock and balls. It’s a showstopper.

“Works best in one of those dimpled pint glasses with a handle, but he’s got the length to do it in an imperial one, the Hoegaarden type, the lot. Hilarious every time.

“Sometimes he’ll arrive home with his cock and balls out but in a glass, hoping the taxi driver hasn’t noticed, then clinks it so Kate looks down. Cracking sense of humour on the girl. Last time he did it she came out the kitchen with a hammer.”

A Palace spokesman said: “If Prince Harry had revealed this, it would be a slap in the face the monarchy would be lucky to survive. But because we did it, it’s fine.”

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Secret Santa easy way to find out none of your co-workers have a clue who you are

BEING given a completely unsuitable present by someone you see almost every day is the best way to find out they do not give a toss about you, it has emerged.

Workers across the country are discovering this week just how little impact they make on the lives of their colleagues, despite spending more time with them than their own families.

IT manager Lucy Phipps said: “I sit in the same room as these bastards day in, day out. I’ve told them at length about my passion for crafting and love of folk music, and what did I end up with? A bottle of aftershave.

“I can’t even give it to my husband as we divorced recently, as my co-workers should know because I was very vocal about it. Did they not notice me crying on their shoulders every lunchtime for four months?

“To be fair, I picked Stephen and gave him a three-pack of striped socks from M&S. But that’s not because I don’t know him. It’s because I couldn’t be arsed.”

Charlotte Phelps, who bought Phipps’ present, said: “Lucy? Is she the one with the annoying laugh or the one who cries all time? Oh, honestly, who gives a f**k.”