Saturday, 7th December 2019

Queen 'may be 93-year-old who doesn't give a sh*t', say insiders

BUCKINGHAM Palace insiders have warned that the Prince Andrew crisis may be handled as if by a 93-year-old who no longer gives a bugger. 

Speculaion about whether the errant prince will be cut from the civil list or locked in a tower has been countered by courtiers who pointed out that the Queen is very old, very rich and indulgent of her children.

An insider continued: “The Queen may be mentally sharp, but she was also born in 1926. Certain prejudices come with the territory.

“It seems likely that, rather than treat the allegations against Andrew with the severity they deserve, she will instead decide that her son is a good boy and these girls are silly little tarts and there the matter will rest.

“The UK tends to assume that Her Majesty is some kind of PR manager super-sensitive to the public mood, rather than a crabby old lady who hasn’t agreed with anything new that’s come along since 1980.

“It’s a national delusion to believe her opinions are more sophisticated than ‘Brexit? Bloody get on with it’ and ‘Bring back hanging’ but she is in fact like any small-minded great-grandmother, only more so.”

He added: “Will she compel Andrew to speak to the FBI? Will she f**k.”