WICKED: For Good’s release means we can all share in Ariana Grande’s cloying life philosophies. Here the delicate songstress makes the mundane a positive, magical journey:
‘Heal your relationship with your hangover’
I had to heal my relationship with the pressures of a music career, and you can do the same with your post-alcohol dehydration. Accept it for its flaws – the nausea, the paranoia, the regret – and make vomiting into the toilet a cleansing miracle.
‘Toilet paper is an extraordinarily beautiful gift’
Give thanks for it daily, for wiping your ass is a journey we all take, each of us blessed with our own unique and special anus. Embrace your soiled toilet paper. You only have a limited time together before the ceremony of the flush.
‘Don’t judge yourself for making too much pasta’
Feeling bad because you made more pasta than you can eat is a wasted feeling. Discard it. Instead feel euphoria at leaving more than a third in the colander due to your gluttony and lack of foresight. Befriend that pasta. Tell it your secrets before consigning it to your council-provided composting container, where it will pass its joy on to others.
‘Put your wanking shame in a box’
We should all cherish ecstasy, but masturbation can feel like an admission of sexual failure to the negative. Remove your shame, whisper ‘I forgive you’ to it and place it in a box where it can mature alone. Consign that to the back of an imaginary wardrobe and get strumming along to your favourite MILF scenes. You deserve to.
‘Don’t let fear hold you back in Sainsbury’s’
The world is full of transcendent experiences if we are only brave enough to reach out and grasp them. Next time you’re in Sainsbury’s, try the Batchelors Fiery Chilli & Lime Super Noodles. Because no-one should spend their life wondering what could have been.
‘Abandon perfectionism when loading the dishwasher’
I used to chase perfection in music, re-recording vocals over and over, late into the night until my producer helped me understand I had to let go. Loading the dishwasher is no different. It doesn’t matter if not every item comes out spotless. It’s about the process and giving the dirtier mugs to others.
‘Move past the trauma of missing the bus’
Missing a bus is as much a part of life as a beautiful sunset. If the 103 from Stoke to Crewe has departed, welcome chaos and positive change. You might never have had time to study the window display of a closed charity shop without this reward from the universe. Another bus comes in 20 minutes, and those 20 minutes? They’re for you.
