CLAUDIA Winkleman and her blonde co-presenter are leaving Strictly Come Dancing and unless they are replaced the BBC is doomed. Who could do it?
Emma Bradford, speech therapist: “The late Bruce Forsyth. It would be nice to see him rise from the grave and present as a zombie, a presenting zombie risen from the grave it would be to see him nice.”
Norman Steel, tailor: “I admit it, I’m a viciously right-wing Reform voter and I miss Lineker. I miss hating him. I just want him back even if it’s presenting a dancing show.”
Nathan Muir, removals man: “Needs to be someone everyone’s fond of who’s excellent at dancing. So I nominate Jewel, who does Wednesdays and Fridays at Climax strip club in Colchester.”
Joanna Kramer, teacher: “As everything else is going back to the 1970s including the rise of fascism, our Saturday night entertainment should be presented by Charlotte Church with her incredible MILF boobs and a big old gay.”
Jim Bates, graffiti artist: “They’ll follow the Bake-Off model and pair an established presenter with a complete f**king freak. So, let me spin the wheel… I’m getting Holly Willoughby and… John Cooper Clarke.”
