EVERYONE who is anyone is at the funeral of Pope Francis today, except you. What happened to your invite?
Joanna Kramer, cattery owner: “Didn’t get one. Absolutely typical of Francis. Petty to the last.”
Julian Cook, primate: “I assumed I wouldn’t get an invite because I was involved in a decades-long cover-up of sexual abuse within my diocese. But I’ve just found it under a pizza leaflet. Doh!”
Roy Hobbs, delivery driver: “Yeah, I got kicked out of Pope John Paul II’s Requiem Mass back in 2005 for listening to Mansfield vs Orient on an earpiece. Not going through that again.”
Norman Steele, crane operator: “I gave mine to Madonna, who’s going to attend in a sexy nun outfit complete with dildo crucifix. Well, we all owe it to her to help in her desperate quest for relevance.”
Mary Fisher, IT manager: “Oh f*k. This won’t stop me getting the kids into Our Lady Star of the Sea Catholic Primary, will it?”
