THE Yeti has appeared on The Jeremy Kyle Show to settle questions of its parentage.
Standing on the opposite side of the studio from a black bear, a polar bear, the American Bigfoot and the Canadian Sasquatch, the Yeti looked nervous as Kyle opened an envelope.
An audience member said: “When Kyle announced that the Yeti was a hybrid of the polar bear and bigfoot, all hell broke loose.
“Sasquatch backhanded Bigfoot across the face for all the years shed said he was definitely the real dad and the polar bear bit a cameraman.
“Kyle was in the middle howling in delight at the bloodshed, his fangs fully extended.”
Security managed to calm the situation and the polar bear delivered an impassioned monologue about how hed always known the Yeti was his and how guilty he felt for not being there during his childhood, breaking off only to eat seal guts.
The Yeti was then asked to choose between his biological father and the Sasquatch who raised him, who was swigging Jack Daniels from the bottle and showing girls his tattoos.
Finally Sasquatch stormed off stage back to his lazy, high-altitude life in Tibet.
Kyle said: Were hoping for better results next week, when our guest is the Loch Ness monster and Im asking him when hes going to stop lying around in freshwater sediment at taxpayers’ expense and get a bloody job.