Another glorious sunny f**king Monday

THE UK has woken up to yet another glorious, sunny, complete waste of decent weather because it is a Monday. 

Across Britain, workers have gazed longingly at clear blue skies before entering the office where an eternity of grey ceiling tiles stretches out above them for the next eight hours. 

Whether children in school staring out at empty playgrounds, retail workers manning their tills on deserted high streets or warehouse employees looking longingly at shafts of golden light, the country has agreed that it is a mockery that should not be allowed. 

Legal secretary Susan Traherne said: “Just fucking look at it. 

“Hot, gorgeous, and who’s thronging the open-air swimming pools? Nobody at all because it’s a bloody Monday. Even the students have got exams. 

“Who does the admin on this weather? Because they are getting it wrong just again and again.

“All I’m saying it it’d better be sunny on Saturday. Oh no, I forgot, it’s the Royal Wedding so I need it to rain.”