Bad weather ends tiresome obligation to act happy

THE end of sunny weather has liberated millions of Britons from having to pretend they are in a good mood.

As wind and rain prepare to sweep the UK, experts confirmed there would be no need to make banal, insincere comments about sunshine and how lovely it makes everything.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Humans feel pissed off most of the time, but when the sun is out you are obliged to act happy because that’s what everyone else is doing and you don’t want called to be labelled a ‘Grumpy Gus’ because that is fucking annoying.

“That’s why it’s good when it rains, because you can drop the thin veil of jollity and be yourself.”

Accounts assistant Mary Fisher said: “A nice summer day cheers me up a bit, but not as much as I make out. It’s not like it makes my job, that I have to do every day for nine hours, any less shit.

“But now the rain’s back I can drop the mask. Everyone can fuck off.”