A WORLD in which bananas are the main thing sounds absolutely brilliant, it has been agreed.
Completely wonderful new research suggests that climate change will lead to bananas replacing potatoes and bread as our staple diet and could actually be the ‘silver bullet’ which solves everything.
Martin Bishop, a banana fan from Hatfield, said: “People often ask me why I am so totally at ease with the world and I tell them it’s because I eat a load of bananas.
“It’s got very little to do with the nutritional value, it’s just such a brilliant word.
“Just before you take your first bite of a banana say the word ‘banana’ out loud. You will immediately feel a little bit better about everything.
“As will anyone who hears you say it.”
He added: “We should actually replace the words ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ with the word ‘banana’.”
As well as playing a key dietary role, experts have called for a three-thousand mile long inflatable banana to be placed in the middle of the Pacific Ocean so that the Earth greets alien visitors with a great big smile.
Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “Also, holding a banana like a gun should be illegal. Bananas are about love.”
Emma Bradford, from Peterborough, said: “Is there anything more enjoyable than peeling a perfectly ripe banana? I don’t believe in God, but when you look at a banana you just think ‘that must have been designed’.”
She added: “And of course they are absolutely teeming with raw sexuality.
“Banana! Banana! Banana!”