Government publishes latest made-up HS2 figures

THE high speed rail line between London and Birmingham will boost the economy by an enormous made-up number, it has been confirmed. 

The government has unveiled a new report which makes a strong, fictional case for the controversial project.

As well as generating a randomly chosen amount of money, HS2 will lead to other made-up things including a drop in crime, fewer heart attacks and ‘more trees’.

A spokesman said: “This latest massive amount of money is of course just a preliminary figure. Our made-up experts have just confirmed that HS2 could generate an infinite amount of money.

“Also, because doctors and scientists will be able to get to London or Birmingham very quickly then cancer is pretty much sorted.”

The report also confirmed the completely nonsensical budget for the project at £56bn, allowing everyone to immediately multiply it by three.

Meanwhile a recent study predicted that because it is British, HS2 will either add at least 20 minutes to the London-Birmingham journey time or it will just not happen at all.

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