Hippies banned from Antarctic

EXPERTS have called for hippies to be turned away from Antarctica to stop them ruining it.

Does not need a festival

Hundreds of potentially catastrophic organisms are being transported to the continent in the bongos and dreadlocks of vegan scientists.

And new research shows that hippies are the perfect carriers for alien species by being warm, moist and spattered with nutritious food patches and flecks of their own dung.

Ecologist Dr Nathan Muir said: “The biodiversity of Antarctica must be kept to a minimum which I know is the opposite of what we usually say but shut up.

“The leopard seals tell us they’d much rather we send over Bear Grylls-type explorers, rather than someone teeming with bugs who will then try and convince them to share their fish equally.”

Antarctic border patrols will deploy strict anti-hippy measures, including trick questions involving the mispronunciation of elvish. Meanwhile the airport at Tierra De Fuego will play Ozric Tentacles albums in a bid to catch anybody nodding along with their eyes shut.

Dr Muir said there was now international agreement that any new Antarctic shelters that are shaped like teepees should be bulldozed immediately without checking to see if anyone is inside.

He added: “We are in danger of the whole continent turning into a Levellers gig, but with slightly less wind.”