Londoners now convinced rural England is basically ‘Deliverance’

PRO-EU voters in London now believe the country’s rural communities are filled with utterly terrifying rednecks.

In the wake of the referendum, metropolitan professionals warned that if you venture into the countryside some locals will trap you in a forest and do unspeakable things to you.

Julian Cook, from Camden, said: “Actually, whenever I’ve been in Cornwall I’ve had this sense that the locals were following me down the street. I now realise they were waiting for me to take a wrong turn.”

Tom Logan, from Battersea, added: “Whenever I’ve been in Devon I have noticed a distinct absence of local teeth. And I suspect they only dress normally in order to create a false sense of security. Behind closed doors they all wear dungarees covered in poo.”

Cornish man Martin Bishop said while sharpening a large stick: “There is nothing to worry about. Come for a holiday and bring your guitars.

“Or as we call them ‘fancy banjoes’.”