Storm Isha sequel recycling same old plot beats and tropes

STORM Jocelyn is failing to engage audiences after retreading scenes and plot points from its immediate predecessor.

The follow-up to Storm Isha, rushed into production after the first one was such a hit, is flopping with the public due to blatant rehashing of tropes like strong winds and lashing rain that if anything are less spectacular.

Roy Hobbs of Birmingham said: “Another storm? Mere days after the last one? Why does everything have to be a f**king franchise now?

“Storm Jocelyn isn’t even telling a new story that simultaneously builds on the original. It’s all power outages and fallen trees, which we saw just yesterday. And you just know it’ll be the second part of a trilogy.

“At the very least it should introduce some new characters, delve deeper into the motives of those we already know, and end on a shocking twist which forces you to re-evaluate the first one. Perhaps that it was caused by meteorologists all along.

“Sequels are usually darker and grittier too, but for me Storm Isha was much more terrifying and intense. This one’s less original than Meg 2: The Trench.” 

Dry cleaner Susan Traherne said: “Do I need to have seen Storm Isha to understand Storm Jocelyn? I read the reviews and it sounded bollocks.”

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Every other bird jealous of swearing parrots

EVERY other bird in Britain has admitted that the foul-mouthed parrots of Lincolnshire speak for them all. 

A group of expletive-spitting African grey parrots in a Lincolnshire wildlife park who regularly tell visitors to go f**k themselves are the envy of every bird who is trying to say the same but instead chirping delightfully.

Magpie Nathan Muir said: “The absolute bastards. Not only granted the power of speech but using it just as we all would.

“I do a nasty little rattle that shuts the other birds up, but humans barely even notice. What I’d give to be able to perch on the fence and tell them to shove their f**king fat balls up their fat f**king arseholes.

“We’re out here warning you the f**k away from our territory and you’re going ‘how lovely, sounds of spring.’ We’re not doing this for your pleasure, motherf**kers. We hate you.

“Those parrots are telling it like it is. Calling out every wanker, prick, knobhead and cock-chugging twat in the Lincolnshire area one at a time. I salute their honesty.”

African grey Captain, speaking from his wildlife park enclosure, said: “Magpie? F**k off. Shit birds.”