SO-CALLED ‘suburban’ rats are appalling bourgeois snobs, it has been claimed.
Town-dwelling rats are a growing nuisance due to the risk of Weil’s disease and their refusal to eat poison pellets unless they were bought from a farmers’ market.
Electrician Stephen Malley said: “I don’t know what’s worse, the way they keep dying under the floorboards and stinking the place out or their unwarranted sense of social superiority.
“I went into my lounge and there was a massive great rat standing there, bold as brass, tutting at my striped wallpaper. Later on I found one in my toilet, sneering at the avocado bathroom suite.”
Malley easily located the rats’ nest in his home because the rodents had ostentatiously left some glossy hardback travel books outside the entrance.
“The bastards had even chewed up a copy of the National Trust magazine for bedding.
“The sad thing is they think they’re fully fledged members of the middle class, but I doubt your average doctor or barrister leaves a trail of droppings and urine wherever they go.”
Suburban rat Donna Sheridan said: “Did I mention that six of my 38 children have Oxbridge interviews?
“Although Jasmine only got an offer from Nottingham Trent, so we’ll probably eat her.”