Thursday, 13th May 2021

'You f**king beauty,' say birds as convertible is parked under tree

A FLOCK of birds has gleefully anticipated the treat to come as a middle-aged man parked his convertible car beneath their tree. 

The birds were doing their best to keep their excited chirping and their bowels under control while the metallic-blue convertible, top down, parked under a nearby sycamore.

As the driver, a man in a suit with Ray-Ban shades and a receding hairline, headed towards a nearby conference centre the birds shifted impatiently from foot-to-foot on their branches while awaiting their moment.

Starling Roy Hobbs said: “Right twatting under. You absolute fucking blinder.

“He’s almost in, he’s just checking back on his pride-and-bloody-joy and oh you poor bastard, have we got a surprise for you. Christ I’m clenched here.

“Alright everyone, after your first run over to the bushes and load up on berries, the purple ones. Hell of a stain they leave on leather.

“Okay, this is not a drill, go go go, you have your targets. Let’s fuck that motor up.”