Monday, 3rd August 2020

Bread has f*cking raisins in it

A SLICED, wholemeal loaf of bread contains f*cking raisins, it has been confirmed.

The bread, bought from a supermarket in Peterborough, seemed normal until owner Nathan Muir opened the bag in the hope of making a sandwich.

Muir said: “I noticed these black blobs and at first I thought it might have been big seeds. I'm very happy with seeds. Maybe even some nuts. I am quite sophisticated.

"Then I wondered if someone had accidentally mixed in some rabbit shit and how that would be okay as long as my bread did not contain manky little bits of dried fruit.”

He added: “Someone please tell me - how the f*ck can I put ham on this?”